Meditations Opus 1

First that things cannot touch the mind: they are external and inert; anxieties can only come from your internal judgement. Second, that all these things you see will change almost as you look at them, and then will be no more. Constantly bring to mind all that you yourself have already seen changed. The universe is change: life is judgement.

- Meditations By Marcus Aurelius

[1]Every man believes himself to be invincible, or feels that if some hidden part of himself were externalised, would make him to be so. My self, do not be torn down and beaten by feelings of discomfort and shame, but see them rather as lessons, which will edify you into a stronger, more resilient man. And if you find yourself jealous of another man, seeing him smiled at and praised by others, leaving you in neglect, learn from these experiences. Do not lower your self-esteem or be humbled by these experiences, somehow thinking that you are worthy of neglect, unworthy in any respect.

[2]The men that gain your envy but still curve your respect are doing something or have something that you do not yet possess: a control over one’s self-reflection and healthy confidence in their appearance before others. And do not for a moment think that they do not deserve it, or feel any kind of resentment towards them! Emulate and note down to yourself what you lack: a boldness in tone when speaking with others, a loud voice and confident chest; a steady eye that is unafraid of meeting with its interlocutor; a calm composure, devoid of all awkwardness.

[3]My soul, every thought which you have towards yourself or towards others is immediately visible to the world through your eyes and your body – first through the body then through the eyes. If you are self-conscious, anxious before others in how they will treat you, overly eager to please and afraid that others will scorn you -  or even worse, utterly ignore you; your eyes will be seen to wander left and right, their colour slightly faded, giving the effect of distance; the body will be stiff and fidget around constantly, as if unsure of where best to place the hands(behind the back, with arms crossed…), and worst of them all, your arm even against your wishes will repeatedly dig your pocket for your phone. It is absolutely essential then to become immune to the effects of self-doubt and self-deception, and most essentially to prioritise confidence and an unwavering attention on all that surrounds you.

[4]It is undeniably a personal weakness to feel judged and mocked at for not being approached by others, or while being alone, to feel rejected when seeing people socialise around you. Why is it that one should expect respect from others without earning that respect or without justification? Even if a said person knew you intimately, there is a reason why this person did not approach you, but you should not feel defeated or diminished in value because of it. It takes a character of a sober intellect, a clear mind and peaceful demeanour, to expect nothing from a single person, and devoid of any instinctive desire to please. Any desire coming from instinct is most usually borne from hidden insecurities, especially when they are accompanied by a weakness of character or will. We see this in drinking tendencies/withdrawal behaviour in the asocial, the uncontrolled appetite/forgoing of responsibility in the depressed, the scorn for the wealthy/hoarding of wealth in the frustrated middle class man, and so on. The list is endless.

[5]It is imperative that one leaves behind the judgements of all at the door of life, even the closest ones, if one is to function independently or become anything of social value. One should not need affirmation from others if a said pursuit is good – for to pursue something with but a mere hint of affirmation will betray your anxious desire to please others and a lack of self-realisation. Either take upon yourself a position despised and disrespected by others, or hide your pursuits from others, letting it be a mystery to the world.